Have Cell phones led to our loss of person to person etiquette?
I enjoy reading from cnet.net for a variety of reasons. One of which is because they deal with the impacts to Society by technology. After reading Kent German's Article on "Mind Your Cell phone manners" I had to put in my two cents worth.
Technology gives us a lot of conveniences but they can also impact us negatively against our fellow man. The use of the cell phone has, in my opinion, impacted our person to person etiquette in a disastrous way.
Giving our attention to one person at a time
Why is it that more and more people are trying to make an order at the local "whatever" store and continue to talk on a cell phone? I remember seeing movies where the really rich person was talking down to the working person and acting like they should be grateful for their presence alone. I was always offended by that type of attitude and my friends said they would never treat someone like that if they were rich. However, I see it constantly when they won't give the simple courtesy of putting the person on their phone "on hold" long enough to give a clear request and wait on a polite response.
When you're hanging out with your friends and talking about "nothing" while you're perusing the local racks of clothes you would stop talking about whatever it is long enough to ask the clerk "How much is this?" and wait for a response before continuing your yapping, wouldn't you? So why should it be different when you're talking on your cell phone? It shouldn't is the answer you're looking for.
You have to give your attention to one person to give them the respect you would want given to you. How would you like it if the person you were talking too wouldn't look your way or was having a second conversation at the same time? I know I can multitask and listen and type at the same time, but I don't do it to give a personal interaction with that person. One exception I have is when I'm making notes of the conversation and at least the person I'm talking with is aware of that fact so they give me additional time during our conversation to allow me to take proper notes. I think this gives both people in the conversation an understood permission to divert some of my attention.
Body Language
Giving that personal attention gets you better service and vice verse. If you expect good service shouldn't you give respect to the person you're talking? Of course you should. In order to do that you need to get eye contact and "ear contact" so you both know you're talking to each other. Your body language says a lot to the other person: raised eyebrows, tapping foot, huffing breath, or a smile. They all effect how someone responds to you. The body language you give off when you're on the phone lets people know you're not listening to anyone except the person on your phone: not making eye contact, talking to someone else, probably turning your body askew to the person behind the counter. All these physical signs make it hard for a person to be interested in what you're asking them to perform.
Maybe that venti mocha chocalata half caff decaf with skim milk might end up with whole milk full caffeine with a shot of spit in your drink. Why not? You're not paying attention to them why should they pay attention any more than you? While I certainly wouldn't a shot of saliva in my drink no matter how much of a tool someone might be it is only an example of what people are capable of when they deem themselves disrespected.
Use your indoor voice!
While I don't advocate the use of phones inside an establishment for extended periods, I don't think it's realistic to stop usage altogether in a store like it appears is the case in Europe. However, I think that the most important piece of keeping things polite indoors is keeping your voice to a conversational level that you would maintain if that person was there in front of you. There are so many improvements in today's phones that I know you can talk normally and the person on the other end can hear you just fine. I use a bluetooth earpiece and talk at a normal tone when I'm on the phone and have only had problems with people hearing me when people are talking around me that are facing my earpiece. My answer isn't to get louder but to find a quieter location to complete my call.
We teach our children what's right with our actions!
Yes, I went with the parents angle because I feel that parents are responsible for raising their children with proper manners. While adults are also committing the faux paxs of the cell phone usage, we must teach our children proper cell phone etiquette or not complain! What we show our children to be okay is what they take with them into the world as the example of what they consider right. If you don't tell your children that talking on the phone while making an order is wrong, they won't think it's wrong. So you have to change your ways, too!
Here's a list of simple etiquette that I think are very appropriate for cell phones. Certainly the list could be longer, so feel free to give some feedback.
Times when putting your phone on hold or hanging up to call them back later:
- your turn at the counter to order food and/or drinks
- approaching a sales person to ask questions
- your turn at the check-outwhen at a social event!
Times when you should keep your phone call short:
- When in the car with other people, and you shouldn't be the one who started that phone call unless you're car mates are involved.
- At the restaurant. If it's that important, take it somewhere else. You're eating and no one wants to hear that!
- When you're with others. Aren't the people your with right then deserving of your respect? If not, why are you with them in the first place, go hang with the person that called, they must be more important to you.
Times when your phone should be off or on vibrate:
- At the movies. Get out of the theatre to answer that call if you feel you absolutely must.
- During Church. Whether or not you're bored to tears by the sermon, it's a no-no!
Overall you want respsect and should give it. Remember the golden rule, "Treat those as you would like to be treated."
